So what’s important about being real?
It’s good / healthy for us – if we deny ourselves or others the reality of what is true for us at any moment then that truth remains with us, unexpressed but nevertheless stored in our bodies as tension or dis-ease. If we are allowed to express what is true for us then our truth can be recognised or acknowledged in some way. That recognition gives the message that it’s ok to be where we are and ultimately this is what allows us to move on to a more resourceful state when we are ready.
Supporting others in being real also works best in our relationships. Have you ever tried to cheer someone up or calm someone down, only to find that the opposite occurs? Have you ever taken a moment to be with someone, letting them know somehow that it is ok to be angry / upset / confused… and noticed them changing state before your very eyes?
In NLP (neuro linguistic programming) terms, this is the difference between “pacing” i.e. meeting someone where they are and “leading” i.e. trying to move / influence them in your preferred direction. When you focus on pacing you will be creating the conditions for the other to move naturally to a place of greater resourcefulness. And then you can join them there and choose where to go next! When you focus on leading you will notice the other resisting your attempts (however well-intentioned) to move them on and even start digging their heels in!
Apart from being the smart thing to do, pacing is also one of the ways we can connect deeply and authentically with others.
Experiment with pacing in your relationships – using your words, your touch, your eyes… to be with the other long enough for them to choose to be somewhere else. And start in your relationship with yourself:
When are you not saying what is true for you?
How are you holding back on being real, in an effort to avoid discomfort?
Where might you choose to go if you could pace yourself first?
If you, or someone you know, are ready to be real, I can help – contact me now to find out more!